THEonlyGOALIE

The Beginning... Again

2010-01-26T08:53:00.000-08:00

Just noticed my last post was in 2008. What a mildly interesting year that was combined with 2009 and then the decision to go back to school. What is it about school that makes me want to Blog? I have no idea other than there are so many more things I have to do in the scope of a day that a typical 9 to 5 job doesn't really offer. Take for example: this morning while walking to the library to read before class I passed a car, legally parked in campus parking, completely packed with paper. It was a small car though the entire back and passenger seat all the way to the very tip-top of the roof was packed with paper. Old paper, new paper, folders, newspaper, scrap paper, bits of unidentifiable "stuff" in between and then colored paper. As I passed this wonderful spectacle I almost missed it, but a student passing it in the other direction did a double take, stopped, pulled out her cell phone and snapped some photos of it as living proof of the story I just typed. I cannot say this will be the highlight of my day, with that happening at 7:45 this morning, but it will be among the top five I bet... right next to juggling scarves in my Children's Motion class at 12:30.

So it has taken me 2 years and a life change to realize I really do love blogging and I hope to get around to it more often (even though no one reads it!). Just some obscure ramblings to mull over later.

Seriously?

2008-04-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

It seems I spend a lot of time at work and a lot of time in my car. Here is a morning car story for your enjoyment.

Dallas, TX drivers are not the best drivers. They are like New York drivers laced with just enough southern courtesy to make it in the great state of. Blinkers are apparently decorations that don't get utilized.

I was in the fast lane. I had merged and made my way across four lanes of traffic to reserve this right of passage, not to mention I waited for safe holes in traffic and used my blinkers to get there. While enjoying the tunes on my ipod, a heavy set, middle-aged man in a tanish, well-driven Chevrolet SUV too decided he should be in the fast lane.

Either he did not check his blind spot or he felt entitled to the space I was currently occupying, but he slid over in to the fast lane nearly taking out my front right end, with his --should I take the liberty of saying "dented"-- vehicle.

I, like most people, gripped the wheel took my foot off the gas and gently placed it on the break hoping for the best, yet bracing for the worst. In my gripping position the horn magically honked and I could tell he glanced back. I tried for my most horrified "you almost hit me" look.

He leaned his head so I could see it in his side mirror. He then proceeded to stick his tongue out at me.

Seriously...

What, are we five?

Clearly I Do

2008-04-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Who makes a whole package of instant chocolate pudding and then proceeds to eat the entire four servings.

Clearly I do. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't actually sit down after mixing the "cold serve" pudding and promise myself this is the last bite I am going to take... no wait... seriously this is the last bite I am going to take.

But I used fat free "lactose free" milk.

But the pudding mix is naturally fat free (never mind the millions of sugar grams).

And so, as a tribute to the fat free-ness, I just keep on eating. Not hungry, not full so I feel entitled to continue on my journey of finishing ALL four servings. Then because I live alone and there is no hall monitor, I use my finger to get the last little bit from the bowl before calling it a night.

Clearly I like chocolate pudding.

Birthday or is it Though?

2007-07-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow. I'll be 25. I haven't talked it up. Somehow it doesn't really seem like a big day. My mom cares. I like it that she does, but other than that, who really cares? I think once I went to college my birthday no longer mattered. It's just this day in the summer. It will be a rainy day in TX.

It might be that I have a job now. My birthday is on a Wednesday. I have two more days until the weekend so that I may "observe" it properly. Just an FYI: that doesn't mean going out and getting sloshed, but more likely sleeping in and laying in front of the TV with loads of DVDs... my how times have changed.

I wish I had some true blue college friends here or at least someone willing to veg in front of the TV with me. A birthday with a DVD and a glass of wine. That's a good day.

The year of 25: I'm thinking allowing more people in will be good.

The sound of Monday

2007-07-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

It's the sound of a dying cow. A languished, sad moo emanating from somewhere down a hallway. Really a dying cow?

No.

Just one of my bosses phone ring tone. It is listed as melancholy sax, as though a musical instrument has the right to sound like what I'd imagine a dying cow would sound like.

I'm not being morose. I don't sit around thinking about what sounds come out of different living animals as they die. The noise hit me a little off guard the first time I heard it and it has been the dying cow sound ever since.

The cow dies a lot on Monday.

It's sad, really.

Just One Moment

2007-03-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Who has time these days to sit and watch the mystery of a tea bag darkening a cup of steaming clear liquid? Plumes of brown seeping out of the small bag polluting the water like a sinister cartoon character devilishly smoking an incredibly thin cigarette. All this while letting out a high crackling laugh and plotting to overthrow the hero.

I have time.

I have as much time as the man allows me.

It's enough time to notice the way the wind feels blowing through my hair. It's enough time to sit in silence.

It is enough time to notice things I haven't always taken the time to notice and appreciate.

I have time.

New Changes

2007-03-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

I have a job. I have a new life. I have a new city. I just haven't found any friends. I miss New Orleans. I hear things keep going downhill, but I can't not miss New Orleans.

Ringing in the New Year

2007-01-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

Being an unemployed graduate wasn't something I planned on. My brothers had a job immediately after graduating and so should I, right? After five long months of being unemployed, feeling frantic, and being severely harsh on myself for not living up to my own standards I have accepted a job that starts on January 8th and will be moving shortly.

It is like the saying, "Good things come to those who wait." I wasn't necessarily waiting, I more actively pursuing. There are tread marks on the new carpet in my bedroom where I spent many afternoons pacing willing an e-mail to pop up in my mail box. At some point a concerned person even let it be known that they hoped I wasn't waiting around to get married and start life that way. That's an interesting idea, but clearly not. I value my independence and proving to people that I can make it relatively on my own (my mother and father will always be sought out for their advice. They have lived longer than me and can only offer helpful words of wisdom... No matter if I decide to use their knowledge or not.). Besides, getting married would actually involve dating. I haven't had a date in a really long time. It seems like my dating life always suffers at the expense of something else I am doing. I wanted to make good grades, play soccer, be in a sorority, live off campus, and have two jobs. Not much time for dating. Then I graduated. Job searching became my focus, dating got the shaft again. It doesn't help that I really friendly and I like to joke around so I get stuck in the friend category more often than not. So marriage... That's going to take some time.

So anyway, here's to the new year! I'm ringing it in right. I finally have a job, I'm about to move, and the next phase of my life can begin!

Happy New Year to everyone. I hope it brings all sorts of new possibilities and happiness to each and everyone of you.

Button Pushing Problem

2006-10-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

It's what happens when you put a button in front of me. My finger gets twitchy and I just have to make a stab at it. I lock my car at least five times just because I like pressing the lock button. I probably hit the unlock button four times.

When I set my alarm I hit the button to check it several times. In the morning I hit the snooze several times, but that is more in an effort NOT to get out of my cozy, warm bed.

I hit the elevator button even if it is already lit. You know, the more you hit it, the faster the elevator comes.

I like typing on keyboards that make a clicking sound, it has something to do with typing on an old fashioned typewriter.

Thank goodness most icons on the computer only respond to the double click...

Being Smart Enough

2006-10-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

My whole life has been about proving myself. Born with dyslexia I never really cared much about what other people thought about me until I realized that I was different. I only knew I was different when one day papers from my backpack were thrown out the window of the school bus. Along with the throwing of the paper came the taunts, "you're stupid. You go to the stupid classes." The bus driver made me flag girl of the bus so I could sit behind her and read a book and never be bothered again.

It was then though that it dawned on me. The classes I went to as a child in elementary school weren't special in positive terms. I left the normal classroom every day away from the "normal" kids and went to my special (ed) classes.

If you were smart enough in the public school system in deep south MS you got to take a field trip every month to the high school for a program called IDEAS. I'm sure that stands for something really cool, but I can't remember. I can't remember, mainly because I was never allowed to take part in IDEAS.

In fifth grade, my fifth grade teacher (I do remember her name for many reasons, most of which are not favorable) pulled my mother aside and told her, "We think Josie's smart enough to take part in IDEAS now." As in, she has stayed in "normal" classes for a year now and functions quite "normally." My mother gave her THE look and replied, "Don't bother, we're putting her in Catholic school." My mother wasn't very keen on the public school's system of "normal" and "special" (as in not really special, just kind of stupid). In the Catholic school that I went to there were small classes and teachers worked harder not labeling students. I wasn't the stupid kid anymore. I was actually Bob's little sister. He did great things with his time there.

Just one more hurdle for me to jump. This time, armed with a confidence my mom passed along to me, I just put on my running shoes.

The World as a genre of Music

2006-10-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

If real life could be any genre of music, I think I'd want to live in a country song. Though slightly dramatized and maybe a little too gut wrenching at times, country music talks about life, love, and happiness in ways that make you want to live in a small house surrounded by acres of grass and a white picket fence.

Happiness is family and living in the country and has nothing to do with driving an Escalade. Love, especially love lost, hurts in a way that makes finding the right one to love even more great. Life isn't always happy, but life is always complete with a wholeness that makes more sense with a country twang.

What scares me is life becoming more like a rap song. I close my eyes trying to imagine one rap song I'd want my life to become. The only images I see are tube tops, thongs, dark night clubs... I can't even get in to the men that come to mind. It is something straight out of a nightmare. Large dark rooms with strobe lights and flashing red and yellow spot lights. Incessantly loud music. What happened to the grass and the white picket fences? What happened to real life? What happened?

I like going to bars (not in tube tops... that's just not how I roll).

I like dancing in clubs.

I wouldn't want that for life. Hopefully life is a little more country than rap for me.

"It"

2006-10-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

My brain is wandering. There isn't anything to do. The internet has lost it's appeal and I am sitting in a basement where the fluorescent glare combined with the glow of over 50 computers causes eye strain in ways I can't even describe.

This isn't the way it's supposed to be. I feel like this is "it." The "it" you feel resigned to do, but can't figure out why. The "it" you drive for hours to get to in the morning. The "it" that promotes recycled air and no sunlight. The "it" you can't bring yourself to hate, but you can't even begin to enjoy. Once upon a time "it" might have intrigued me, but I now know there is something out there I am supposed to be doing. "It" isn't this.

Sometimes I feel like a tiny ant in a huge ant hill. Everyone around me is going about their daily tasks and working just fine, but then there is me with my hands up screaming at the sky, "What about me?" This is the true feeling of being lost. I know where I am all the time. I'm at work, I'm in my car, I'm at home... But it is not a job I should be doing, I don't officially own my car yet, and it's my parents home.

I'm a guest in my own life. I'm between a here and there. Do I make roots here? What if I can't stay here? My feet are just beginning to sink a little deeper in the soil and every time I have to start over is getting harder and harder to pull them out.

Sickness

2006-10-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

Being sick is like taking an unpleasant holiday. Many days you might wish to just lie in bed and do nothing, but when you are sick, you are actually forced by your body to just chill out. Most of the time, for me at least, I have a millions things I want to be doing instead of lying in bed. The grass is always greener right?

So here are some reasons being sick this time wasn't my cup of tea:
1.) My DVD player broke and daytime television is terrible.
2.) My head was so congested that I got motion sick just walking down the hall.
3.) My room is a mess (making me want to clean it) and my laundry needed to be done.
4.) I couldn't accomplish either of these activities because I'd break out in a cold/hot sweat.
5.) I felt like a useless waste of space.
6.) I actually cried about something I saw on TV... it wasn't sad.

Mainly, I wasn't so sick that I felt like I was going to die, it was more the dizzy feeling making my stomach upset and the throbbing pain in my head. So I felt like I should have been able to do something, but I couldn't muster the gusto to get it done.

I'm somewhat better now. I'm not dizzy at the very least.

Scrapbooking... The never-ending battle

2006-09-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life I have collected things...beenie babies, Happy Meal toys, Star Wars Episode One figures, baseball cards, report cards, papers, pictures, awards, and the list goes on and on.

I have this urge to keep it all, but I don't want to. So trying to be constructive and preserve some memories... Like the note card that came on the flowers my brothers sent me when I was elected to the homecoming court my senior year... I am trying to scrapbook everything.

It looks like a war zone in my room. Besides not being completely unpacked and having boxes everywhere, I now have piles of papers and pictures everywhere too. I decided to work on scrapbooking all of my soccer memories first. I can't even explain how much stuff I have for soccer alone. I then decided that I should theme that section of scrapbooking and do all sports. So this includes the year I played basketball when I was about 10 and all the dance classes and pictures of me dancing and who can forget random horseback riding lesson pictures. I'd say I'm looking at roughly 50 to 70 pages for this one section alone. That is just how much stuff I have.

Then there are pictures and momentous of me growing up, birthday parties, birthday cards, graduation (HS and college), Germany (YFU 6-week trip in HS and the semester abroad in college), family trips to PA, sorority stuff, newspaper clippings, and ahhhhhhhhhh!

Then there is the creation of one scrapbook page. I want them to look creative and fun, so that involves getting scrapbook stickers as well as looking through magazines and cutting out fun phrases and words as well as ads that can be used as backgrounds on certain pages. I found some funny soccer ads that worked really well when I arranged some soccer pictures on it. This just takes a lot of time. I had no idea when I began, what kind of project this would end up being.

This is turning in to the never-ending battle. Me against mounds and mounds of paper.

One of life's little Let-Downs

2006-09-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's the alarm clock at 5:57 in the morning. It signals that I am still alive and well. That is not the let-down. The let-down comes shortly after the fog lifts and I recognize what my life has become. I wake up, go to a short-term job situation, come home, and get to do it all over again.

The let-down is that I am not moving away from this situation. It is like a ditch on the side of the road. I'm standing in it and instead of stepping out of it like a sane person I grab a shovel and I'm digging it deeper. You know, so that it's extra hard to get out of.

I was a fresh, ripe, impeccable peach sitting on the road-side stand waiting for someone to say, "That's the one I want!" I'm fermenting. Several months out of college, I'm beginning to get soft around the edges.

The dream is still out there, but I am starting to doubt myself. I hate doubt. It is an extra voice in my brain. I already have the voice of my mother, my father, my two older brothers, and my largest critic-- myself. I don't need to have a doubter in my head.

Needless to say, there are very few to no people to talk to about all this. Everyone just wants to tell me how great I am and how wonderful my resume looks and how anyone would be lucky to have me working for them. (pssst... *in the voice of wisdom* I'd have a job if all this were true... or at least some direction).

Golf

2006-09-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

My brother flew in to Austin on Thursday evening for the UT vs OHIO football game on Saturday. It was great seeing him. Friday was such a good day! In the morning we went golfing with my dad and my mom came in-tow to take pictures. Tom and I are not the best golfers. I have only been playing or learning to hit the ball for a little over a month.

My brother and I began to switch hit. We both hit the ball each turn, but then we would hit the ball from the best ball. This way we had two chances to get the ball to a better place.

Pretty funny though, we lost about half a bag of golf balls in the long grass and the ruff. That is just how bad... or not good if you want a little more positive attitude in the sentence... we are. It was nice not feeling like I needed to beat anyone and even better I got to be on the same "team," so to say, as my brother. It is funny, even with eight years between us, life has started to even out. I'm not the kid sister as much as I am making my way to being an equal.

It begins with golf?

Too much of the Same

2006-09-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

Variation. That doesn't happen in my life. At least not right now. I am used to going to school at different times every day and working different times every day with grocery shopping when I can fit it in and babysitting Friday or Saturday nights and soccer games on the weekend and rollarblading in the park when I'd get off of work at the preschool.

I can sum up what I do now: Work, lunch, exercise, sort through stuff in my room, and go to bed. That is normally the pattern of every day. It's getting harder to break that pattern, because I live so far away from the city and I don't really have any friends that live here. Then my cell phone doesn't work at my parents house. Everyone I normally call has Verizon... so no one ever calls anymore because they can't get through to me and it's not free to call my house phone.

I need to get a job. I miss having my own apartment. I love my parents and I love this time that I get to spend with them (though I really should have a job and my own apartment), but the distance and feeling cut off from everything is pretty hard.

No wonder they call college the best times you will have in your life.

Oh Deer

2006-09-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

The front of my car started shaking when I stop after going at least 30 mph. Time to go in to the shop!

So how do I get to go to work? Ah, daddy's car! The nice, new, pretty car that beeps angrily if you switch lanes without using your turn signal. The car that comes with the unspoken label, "You had better drive safe!"

I am about to turn on the feeder road to get on to I-35 when I see something out of the corner of my right eye. I can't see anything when I turn my head and look so I step on the gas...

I hit something.

It gets up and tries to continue running across the street, but it is so startled, as am I, that it falls in the middle of the two lanes to my left.

Oh my... Deer! I hit a baby deer, hence why I could not see it in front of daddy's car. It somehow makes it across four lanes of traffic and in to the woods on the other side.

I had to sit in an hour and a half of traffic feeling like a baby deer killer. I don't like to hurt animals or see hurt animals, so I am still feeling guilty about this one.

Just that Creepy Feeling

2006-09-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had an instant where you thought you might die? Where you see it coming and you're scared, but not really? As if you know what is going to happen, but it just doesn't register that you should be really afraid and saying a final prayer.

I was driving down 183. At a point in this road before Leander, TX it is four lanes of traffic with no middle divider. "Who cares?", you ask. The road is curving and it is also 65 mph. So then you get nut cases that drive 75 to 80 mph in the left lane. Add a little bit of wind and passing a car in the right lane and that nut case is all over the left lane of the on-coming traffic.

Insert me in to the on-coming traffic. It is almost as if the nut case forgot that he could ease off of the gas and maybe, just maybe, find the broad petal next to the gas called the "break." With someone next to me in the right lane I was trapped.

Closing my eyes didn't seem appropriate, seeing as to how I was driving something that weighs about as much as an elephant. I sucked in my breath, braced myself for the impact, kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel, and then nothing.

It is like the laws of nature decided to take a break at 7:20 this morning on 183 right about where my 4Runner was supposed to get hit by a white Dodge truck. Yes, I do remember the name and color of the truck, because everything moved in slow motion. Everything. The sound on the radio, the blur of the grass, the red vehicle next to me, the sound of my heart, and most of all the little pocket of air between my SUV and the truck.

So, not today.

What Nicole and I miss about New Orleans

2006-09-01T00:33:00.000-07:00

So Nicole began to miss New Orleans and if you've ever moved away from a place that you really love, you'll understand. She wrote the first 15 things, though I will have to admit some of them I should have repeated to emphasize how much I miss them too. Numbers 16-31 are all mine.

1. Daiquiris - especially the Chocolate Banana one from daiquiris and Creams
2. The Fly
3. Crawfish every weekend in the Spring
4. Breakfast at the Bluebird Cafe
5. Taking the streetcar downtown and wandering the Market and enjoying just being outside.
6. Cowboy Mouth concerts every other weekend
7. Quarter martini lunch at Commander's
8. (I never thought I'd say this) The sound of the little kids "tap dancing" on the streets in the quarter
9. Beignets at midnight
10. The two story Target SO CLOSE to my house (and mine because we were neighbors for a short time)
11. Cheap movies and Movie Watcher clubs and free popcorn Wednesdays
12. The Ponchatoula Strawberry Festival
13. The Oak Alley craft fair
14. Choosing which house I want to be "mine" on St. Charles (For me it was the white wedding cake house!)
15. Gelato at Angelo Broccatto's
16. Bacco's (oh so yummy food)
17. Port of Call burgers
18. Jiggers' burgers
19. Driving down River Road with my window down in late January
20. Biking on the levee
21. Rollerblading in Audubon Park
22. Babysitting my favorite little kids
23. Actually having friends that would go grocery shopping, watch movies, eat sushi, rollerblading, dance, give fashion advice, search for Taco Bells that don't exist in post Katrina land, and play soccer with me.
24. Playing co-ed soccer with Lazy by Nature
25. Going to the Soap Opera and getting all my clothes washed in 2 hours instead of taking all day
26. Hubig's Pies
27. Wine and pizza night with Heather
28. Free beer glasses at the Bulldog
29. WWOZ New Orleans heritage radio station
30. Being within 15 mins of three malls (even though they may not be the best malls)
31. Touchdown Jesus

The Back-Up Coffee

2006-08-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

I water down my coffee. I don't make it very strong in the first place. So because of this I feel entitled to at least two cups... more like travel mugs... full each morning. I also like drinking coffee out of a straw. Good stuff. The obsession with straws started after the accident leaving me without my front tooth for a year, but that is neither here nor there.

So on my way to work I have two travel mugs of coffee. They are called and commonly referred to as, "the coffee and the backup coffee."

The coffee always, without fail, gets to reside in the white knuckled grip of my right hand. You could try to steal it, but you'd have to pry it from this death grip. I wouldn't recommend trying this. It is only a short lived thing because, the grip relaxes with each passing swig. By the time the backup coffee makes its way in to my right hand, the grip is relaxed and noticeably more pink. There is no longer a desperate crazy look in my eyes.

It's not the caffeine. It's the flavor. I know I am repeating what I have already said, but some people need a hot shower in the morning to get started, I just need my coffee.

I've done without before... not for lack of trying to have some though... and life goes on. It's not air! I don't breathe coffee, though I must admit, the smell of coffee wafting through the air is awesome.

They should make coffee air filters.

Imagine waking up to French Roast and there isn't any coffee brewing.

I think there can be a real market for this.

Three Days going Strong

2006-08-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

My finger is still numb. It turns on and off like hot and cold water in an older building. As the numbness comes and goes it actually carries with it sensations that trap me in awareness. When it's numb it feels like it is dead and I am carrying with me a portion of skin and meat that is no longer "with" me spiritually, but is all there physically. I get to enter an antique store, but I can only look, I'm not allowed to touch. And then, when my finger re-awakens it tingles with hot needles of excitement. The flesh is alive and crawling with activity. It comes and goes and just as if I were standing under hot water as it abruptly runs cold--I always feel it.

There are worse things I know, but it's definately strange.

No Sense to be Tive with

2006-08-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

It started out like any other normal day yesterday. Get up, hit snooze, get up again, wash hair, get dressed, make coffee, and get out that door. It was about the time that I reached the door that I noticed not "all" of me was awake. The tip and side of my ring finger on my left hand was numb.

Ok, strange, but it will wake up.

About thirty minutes down the road it was still numb and my brain started making up things: Isn't it the left hand and arm that ache or act strange when a heart attack is happening? Wait, I'm too young to have a heart attack. No I'm not, they say kids are having them these days. Don't they? Oh my gosh, I'm having a heart attack. I can't breathe. My chest is tight. Am I having an asthma attack? Is this a heart attack? I feel like my whole hand is going numb. I'm getting dizzy. Why am I getting dizzy?

But then the common sense part of the brain took over: Chill out, you're not having a heart attack. Stop taking short breaths, you're going to pass out. Your whole hand is not numb, it's just that one finger.

My finger is still numb today. Pinched nerve? I hope that's all that is wrong. For now it is just annoying. My finger no longer has the sense to be sens-a-tive.

My NEW Life...

2006-08-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I have graduated... cum laude... hold your applause... and I am living at home with my parents because I don't have/can't find a job! WOOHOO! Big college graduate.

This new life is really strange. It feels like the Katrina semester all over again. I don't mind living at home. It feels like summer vacation when you have a summer job and you are living at home. There is only one problem and that is that summer is almost over. Once the whether starts getting colder, it's not really a summer job anymore is it? And it really wasn't ever vacation.

I thought, just keeping track of my family and the greatness everyone seems to have, that I would be a sure thing for a job or some sort of greatness. Apparently I missed the greatness gene. I'm not a slacker, you don't get good grades and participate in several clubs and engage in team sports and have several jobs by being a slacker.

It does make me wonder then...

What the heck is wrong with me?

Be Still My Heart

2006-06-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

The England vs. Trinidad game was CRAZY. Funny thing is, that Crouch kept messing up the whole game and seconds before he scored (in the last five minutes) we were all saying, "Watch him score off a head ball..." moments later he did. The bar went crazy: mainly people were there supporting Trinidad and they couldn't believe it.

Ha, we called it.

Also I got a new coffee machine and a new toaster(which I forgot broke a few days before my coffee machine). I'll post a picture of my new coffee machine later. It is so amazing. I like to just stand in the kitchen and stare at it. It has this green night glow clock on it that is amazing!

PS Beckham played a great game! He kept setting people up to make amazing shots, but they kept messing it up!

The end of a good run...

2006-06-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

My coffee machine stopped working this morning. I don't think that I can express the saddness I feel about this topic in words. I am sure the caffine headache will speak for itself soon. (I am stealing the coffee machine from the office for the weekend HAHA).

Great Song

2006-06-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

Toes
Norah Jones
(Feels Like Home)

The current is strong from what I've heard
It'll wisk you down the stream
But there never seems to be much time

My toes just touched the water
My toes just touched the water

Daydreamed on the bank again
I was swimming with the fish
And I thought this time that it may be true

(But) My toes just touched the water
My toes just touched the water
My toes just touched the water

Walked a mile just to find the edge
Some place low enough to step right in
Now I'm here and I can't begin - to move

Walked a mile just to find the edge
Some place low enough to step right in
Now I'm here and I can't begin - to move

The spoiled sun up over there
It always has to have its way
And I know that the river's there to shelter me

My toes just touched the water
My toes just touched the water

If you've never heard this song I urge you to go out and listen to it. It's so relaxing. Its like being back in MS again and being able to stick my toes in the water as I walk along the beach. I miss that.

TV

2006-06-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

I have to watch 10 hours of TV a week for one of the summer classes I am in. I have to journal it, write critical papers on it, and it does make up a good part of my grade.

I don't have cable so I have to be scrappy about getting my hours in.

Here's what I conclude: TV is crap. There isn't anything good on... well there are a few good shows. Very few and far between.

Coffee in the Summer

2006-05-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

I did a tally last night. I have over 5 pounds of pure caffinated coffee in my freezer. I drink 2 pounds a month (not including coffee I get when I am out).

Do I have a problem?

If you worked with me at my night job you would say I have a problem (whenever I say night job like this it makes me think of being a "lady of the night," but really it is just filming night classes for distance learning people through my university).

I can drink a whole 12 cup pot in one sitting. I kid you not. I really love the way it tastes and most often refer to it as my liquid crack. There is nothing better than a comfy couch, a good book, and a cup of coffee.

So do you think now that it is reaching 100 degrees (and that is American degrees, my "German Tourist," not your fancy Euro degrees) is it wrong that I still like my hot cup O coffee?... or two or three or four a day?

Feels like a Year

2006-05-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

It feels like a year since my last post. Life is sucking my energy dry. Three jobs, three summer classes, and the ongoing battle to try and find a job are not the most ideal combination. I can hardly find time to wash my clothes, so when I do wash my clothes it is normally at the expense of something else... namely my good friend sleep.

When I do sleep I have nightmares. I am about to graduate college and I am jobless. I never really thought it would work out this way. I keep thinking 'surly this isn't happening.' But then I wake up and it is. I just cannot find a job.

I'm a good person, with a good heart, a strong worker, very creative, trained in PR, very loyal, easy-going, I adapt quickly (the whole hurricane semester going to a new school figuring out what it means to be a Texan), and I am very jobless. Not just a little jobless, VERY jobless.

My brothers got jobs right out of college. This whole situation is making me feel kind of like a loser (though deep down I know I am not, sometimes I just can't help feeling that way).

Sigh, I must work on some school work now at the library and then I need to go home and work on some more school work. It just never ends.

I must compliment myself on my job search notebook. I have each city I want to work in sectioned off and then within the city I have have different companies I want to work for and those are sectioned off and then there is a color coding 'notes' post-it telling me if I have recieved word from them.

My Sassy Mouth

2006-05-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

I liked the feeling of the words as they rolled around in my mouth and then hit a boy like a ton a bricks. The boys on my soccer team can be... um... what's that word I am looking for... a little too self certain about their skills on the field. Soccer boys. I am back playing on the co-ed team (thank goodness I am tired of all that catty female stuff) and yesterday was our first game.

I told one guy that he needed to score when he was in... only half kidding... but then a girl scored when he went on. I was on the field with him at the time and yelled over to him, "Are you taking notes? That's how it's done." (seriously joking!)

The captain laughed and then said something like, "Oh Josie, talking back on the field. I remember when she would play the whole game without making a noise. She was so quiet." He looked liked a proud father.

Whatever, I was just scared of them when I first started playing.

Random thought of the day: Driving home at midnight through the flood zones is pretty scarey and really creepy. At least there are street lights now. Decaying houses look and smell just... well, there aren't any words for it.

When it's time to say goodbye

2006-04-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

Why is saying goodbye so hard. I can't imagine how I can still cry, I feel like I've cried myself dry for days. On my way to school I talked with the vet's assistant about putting Sissi to sleep and I cried for the whole ten minute conversation. I know it makes the person on the other end of the phone feel uncomfortable, but I just couldn't stop.

I really hate crying.

I want to be brave for my baby, but every time I see her I just break down.

People call me daily about it. I love that people are there for me, but then I cry more. I don't like being so sad. Pople made me laugh like I have never laughed in a long time last night and it felt so good. Anyway...

Diddlina won't have to be put to sleep until the tumor makes her uncomfortable. She is taking care of Sissi. It just feels like everything is falling a part. I need some GOOD news right about now!

Sad

2006-04-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have to get Sissi put to sleep tomorrow... and possibly Diddlina on Friday. They have just gotten so sick. It is the type of sick I know cannot be fixed. The doctors will want to try, but I have gone through this twice before and I just know that it is impossible.

Tumbleweed and now THIS!

2006-04-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time as a high school senior my parents began the process of moving to El Paso. It was spring break in Pascagoula and I got to leave the ocean city to look at houses in the desert. As you can imagine I wasn't completely thrilled. One morning during breakfast, a Mexican restraunt in a strip mall, I just kept looking at the sand and cacti outside shaking my head. It was then that a real tumbleweed blew across the parking lot. It was all a bit too much for me. The only times I ever went to El Paso was during breaks in my first years of college. One trip I got a sand storm as a welcoming... Things were just strange.

My parents have moved again. They build a house in TX still, out in the country, and I am happy to say there is tons of grass. Last night while watching TV on my parents floor, it is the only TV that works right now, I spied something that looked a lot like an earwig walking around. I wasn't concerned about it. I was trying to watch a movie.

The "earwig" then began marching straight towards me.

I got a little concerned, tore my eyes from the TV, and screamed like a little girl.

Marching towards me on a direct path was a scorpian with its stinger flopped over its back. It was no more than two inches long and it took me a minute to react... I thought that they were bigger.

I got up and started running around, what can I kill it with? My parents haven't unpacked much and the room is full of boxes. I ran to the closet, grabbed my mother's white dress shoe, and began to try and kill the scorpian. Even in dying the scorpian's tail is trying to sting the shoe and even long after the body isn't moving the tail is just going. AHHHHH!

So now I am paranoid. One little sting could do some damage. If the bee sting I got was any evidence.

Roaches are gross but this is down right scarey.

A Day like Today

2006-04-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you need to wake up early (4:15 a.m.) and get things done, but when the alarm goes off for the first time you mash the snooze (nine extra minutes). But then you just keep hitting it.

It becomes desperate.

At some point you hit the snooze and then set your cell phone to wake you up in five minutes thinking the extra alarm will kick you out of the funk.

You let it ring for a min.

It is now 5.

Then there is no memory of getting up to hit the snooze (the alarm clock is across the room to promote getting out of bed).

It is now 6.

Oh no.

Panic sets in, because now the situation is desperate.

That was me this morning. Luckily I was able to get everything done, but my body and mind are so over-worked these days I just can't make it function right. Coffee isn't working anymore either.

I need the weekend like a monkey needs a banana.

A Rant on My Creative Non-Fiction Class

2006-04-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

If there was ever a time to rant it would be now. I do not look artsy or that cool creative writer type or even the savvy somewhat sexy journalist type. I prance in wearing scrubs or soccer clothes many times with a burnt orange hoodie (my salute to my semester at UT Austin) and my hair in a messy wet ponytail (evidence that I visit the gym AND shower right before class).

I get looks of disgust or maybe amusement.

Maybe it was the creative nonfiction piece I did on the need to treat rats humanely (I can post this if anyone cares to read it).

The other day I referenced "The Garden State" and how much I really liked the movie.

One of the "too cool for school" kids gave it a big thumbs down complete with the tongue-out "fart" noise and a boistrus "TERRIBLE MOVIE, don't waste your time. Uh!"

My face turned red and I had no comment.

I had no idea that people still behave that way when in objection to something.

I guess I am not cool enough for them.

But as the last comment of the film was:

"Life hurts."

Despite what People Think... Not Ok

2006-04-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago a friend and I were trying to find a certain wine store. We were traveling down a road we normally travel on, yet we just weren't seeing the store. Everything was normal, or at least about as normal as things get around here. There was a small bridge that went over a canal or something to that effect and then we were in no man's land. I am guessing eight feet of water or maybe even 12 to 15 feet of murky orange-ish brown water once sat for an unknown amount of time in this area. The difference between this area and the area I live in is how long the water sat. The four to five feet of water was gone within a day in my area, but this water just sat. You can tell by the water line on the houses and even on the road sign. Note that there is a sign above the sign I took a picture of and it has water lines all the way to the top as well. In this area there are random houses that look like they emploded or randomly one house had two trees fall from different directions on it. I rolled down my windows and I can't even begin to explain the smell of the area that was only accentuated by the 80 degree heat. I think that my apartment has some of that same smell. I am probably getting sick all the time because there is mold everywhere, even though the downstairs apartments were being torn up virtually right after tht storm. My rats are getting sick too. Many people think that New Orleans is ok... My prediction for the next 20 years would be, "not ok."

Seriously

2006-04-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

I just read my last entry. I was a little bit dramatic. Or a lot. I really don't come off that way in person. When you see me I probably look a little too relaxed, but my mind is racing. Typically I am thinking about ten different things and how I can get them done the quickest and the best.

I have decided that I am keeping my rejection letters. My brother had a wall of rejection in his apartment during the job hunt and he and his roommate had a competition on how could get more.

I miss having a roommate. There's no conflict in living alone, which at times is nice, but over all is lonely.

Talking to my pet rats, as though they are people, would make me a candidate for the nutter house, so I just don't do it. Talking to myself... ditto.

I am running out of options lol.

I need to stop being so dramatic. It's a turn off. I know.

Sorry

2006-04-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written in a long time. Life has gone from messy to just out right sloppy! By this I mean the job hunt!

No one wants to hire an entry level college student. How am I supposed to get the experience if no one will hire me!?

I am freaking out.

I can't graduate without a job!

I mean I have one... you know that preschool teacher thing...

Sigh.

I think I am going to go back to my internetless apartment and freak out in solitude...
because I am still...
without a doubt...
single...
with no prospects.

Jobless and loveless.

You can't kick me now. I'm already down.

My Butt

2006-03-13T17:00:00.000-08:00

The current state of my butt is unhappy. During an unfortunate soccer game yesterday , we lost, I decided it was best to hurt myself.

Here's how it went down.

I haven't been goalie in a long time... Hence being an ex-goalie... but I decided that my decision needed to be revisited.

Here is what I concluded: I now have a fist sized strawberry on the back of my left leg (near the butt so it might as well be my butt) and I pulled the right butt cheek entirely. I think I need to rethink pulling myself out of early retirement. My body feels old and decrepit.

So it hurts to walk. It hurts when my butt muscle flexes. It hurts when I wear clothes (which unfortunately I don't have any clean skirts left to wear). It REALLY hurt to take ballet today. It hurts to sit down.

Oh yeah, I didn't get enough sleep last night so I tend to whine.

But then we can trace the real root of the problem back to not having any coffee in at least... going on... nearing 12 hours.

I am starting to feel withdraw.

The Job Search

2006-03-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

So here it goes. I meet today with the career center. I need a little help in my job searching, mainly because I am pin-pointing certain areas in the US I want to work in. I want to stay in the South... not too close to hurricane zones anymore. I have lived on the coast since I was 8 and it only takes one devastation to not want to do it again. It's not like Disney World (I wanna go on Space Mountain again!) No, it is more like getting a tooth pulled, without the pain killer.

Question: What should I do as a job with a Public Relations major, German and English-Writing minors? ... I currently work in a preschool and I film night classes here at my university, but I did intern at the Zoo here in NOLA. I feel very spaced out.

I need to focus.

This is important.

I need coffee.

If you are a long term reader, you know it's my liquid crack... (the blog entry explaining that was one of the accidental deleted.)

Going on a mission. I have 15 minutes to caffinate myself.

All of This for a Tire

2006-03-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

It was Sunday when I found a leak in my front tire. This leak would have gone unnoticed, but I was down on all four washing my tires when I heard the "Hisssss." You never know these days with New Orleans, so fearing a snake I got up and ran a short distance. I know I looked stupid... I bet someone was watching me from their apartment window just having a good ole laugh.

When I didn't hear the noise any longer, I repeated my action and found there to be an air leak at the air gasket (is that even what it is called? PLEASE!!! I'm a girl, I don't know technical car terms.)

I'll bake you a cake, but I don't want to play with mechanical parts and get all nasty!

So anyway, it's not like I can fix a leak in my tire by myself, so I set out to get it fixed. Sam's was closed, Walmart was closed, Pep Boys eyed me up and down then said: "we are all booked up..." it was 6 hours until closing. Then they ended by saying, "You won't find anyone else open."

And this is the situation in New Orleans.

I was sick and it took me 6 to 7 hours to get my medication.

I had a leaky tire, I had to wait a day, skip two classes at school, wait for three hours, and am now sitting here feeling like my day was wasted.

I'll tell you what, being in this city right now makes you appreciate the small things you always take for granted. There is no such thing as a 24 hour Walmart and everything, but bars close by 9.

I miss my old New Orleans!

New Orleans Spanish Moss:

2006-02-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

The Mid-City Parade

2006-02-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

Funny Stuff:

Thoughts for Today

2006-02-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

First off today is laundry day. You can see me coming from about a mile away, because I am wearing bright pink "yogaesque" pants. This is a true staple of laundry day. Not caring what you go out in, but the truth of the matter is, I don't ever really care what I look like. I wear what is comfortable, because for the most part I am awake and working or going to school for roughly 18 hours a day and I'm not wearing "clubbing" clothes to try and impress people.

Besides I like to keep standards really low so that when I do get dressed up to go out, people think, 'damn she looks good.'

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, was I dramatic. I am still sad, but I think I'll just move. My lack of blogs in the past days have less to do with feeling sorry for myself than just being very busy. I'll have to post more later. Lol.

It is Valentines Day and for the 23rd consecutive year in a row I am single. Naturally I have something to say about it...

So now later after it has happened it doesn't feel like such a bust. I went out with Mo. Stag date sort of a thing, but he just kept paying. First I went refridgerator shopping with him. You may think this sounds strange. You don't live here. People need those sorts of things. People came back, took one wiff of thier house, taped that sucker up, and kicked to the curb. I have my daddy and brother to thank for cleaning mine out. My brother even more for going back several times to clorox it down.

So there was the fridge buying thing... it took over an hour... no really it did. Then there was wonderful Cane's fried chicken, fries, TX toast, and special sauce... Followed by a movie: "Something New."

Mo being the gentleman wouldn't let me buy my own ticket even though he didn't want to see this movie to which he later equated as being a 'soft porn.' It wasn't. He was just sensative about the LOVE scenes. Boys, I swear!

Then I went home and that was that. I had escaped the Valentine's Day being alone syndrome, but not really with someone. We phone each other for a couple of days and about a week ago he promised he would call and he still hasn't.

Such is life.

A new begining, but not so happy

2006-02-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

I don't even know how to begin... I just deleted the past year of my life... I am quite literally crying in the computer lab. How do I rebegin something like that? It held many of my memories... most of which I were going to print out to save a hard copy. I just never got around to it. It seems like that is the story of my life. I just never got around to it.

I am so mad at myself right now.

Just so mad.

What's worse is that my entire bog "before now" was completely crap anyway. I am mad at myself for deleteing crappyily written blogs.

I need to go home so I can weep freely.

Talk about putting a damper on my so-called-life.

The First Thing You Do.

2005-12-10T23:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I came back to New Orleans with the U-Haul packed with stuff. My dad and brother helped me out by unloading the U-Haul with me. It seems like I am even more thankful for my family and well, older brothers.

The next thing you do unpon re-entry is visit the Quarter. Cafe Du Monde is always a must. Listening to the street music and smiling at the 'normalness' of it all, I enjoyed a day full of Daddy and me time.

It felt special. On a whim we took the Natchez Boat up and down... or down and up... the mighty Mississippi. Sometimes I want to sit in these moments for a little longer than time allows just so that I remember everything about it. I will remember the way it was cold on the Natchez, but the beer warmed me up.

It was a great day, done just right and slow, the way all true southerners move.

The Texas Sky

2005-08-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

This is ten minutes from my parents house in Texas. It's not fair. After 12 hours of driving this is the Texas sky from my car window 30 minutes before I fall asleep and hours before I learn the fate of the Mississippi Gulf Coast and New Orleans.

Water Proofing

2005-08-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

This is what water proofing means. Ever since I can remember from my childhood in coastal Mississippi, this is what I did.

Big sheets of plastic and lots of tape.

This is the way I left my life in New Orleans.

This is the last image I have to remember my life as I walked out of my apartment on August 27, 2006.

I was THAT Girl

2005-08-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

Shoulder pads, perms to give limp hair a boost, braces,taller yet not very evened out, and a smattering of acnejust as a little frosting on the cake. I was her. The onestanding awkwardly in the back of class photos taller thanthe boys and larger than the girls. It was me.

I am standing in front of my closet at my parents housesorting through clothing. I am appalled. There was,apparently, a reason why none of these clothes made it tocollege four years ago with me. There is the brown tie-diet-shirt from my preschool Thanksgiving celebration. I was anIndian. The green corduroy stretch pants and matching longsleeve zip up top are on opposite sides of the closet (if there are pictures of me in this I think that I should haveburning rights). The velvet blue pants and the 1997 mathcompetition t-shirt are snuggled in the middle like they aretrying to hide from my terror stricken eyes. I hope that Idid not wear them together as the t-shirt is that brightyellow-orange color.

Finally, I get to the dressy section of the closet andhanging there is this outfit I was once so proud to wear.Green polyester pants and a very pretty top that matched itwith-- shoulder pads. I remember smiling at myself in themirror as I wore this outfit. The shoulder pads gave me amore square look and I thought that I looked defined andstately. I wore it in the picture where I was the eleventhgrade class president. I thought I looked amazing, butreally I was just making a nineties fashion mistake.

I think the bigger mistake is that all of these clothesstill fit me and they are still all residing in my closethoping one day I might have a mid-life crisis and try torejuvenate the early nineties.

When it itches scratch IT

2005-07-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

I work at the Zoo. I don’t do anything with the animals. I sit in a little cubby and write stuff and mail stuff and take orders to do stuff. So I mean other than getting to walk around the Zoo whenever I want to, I don’t really do any of the fun ‘stuff.’

The other day I scored a mysterious bite on my finger. It looked like a lump on the side of my index finger’s knuckle. So being the type of person I am, I stared at it for about .0001 of a second before I decided that I should scratch it, pick it, prod it, and otherwise tick it off until I was satisfied. Satisfaction did not come until my finger started to swell.

I don’t really know what the bite came from, but I definitely made it angry. My finger began to look like a slightly too large Vienna sausage. Not only that, but the animal, because surely a bug could not do anything this malicious, bite grew to about two or three times it’s original size. Ew!

Let this be a lesson to everyone. Maybe when stuff itches… you shouldn’t scratch it, because it will grow to two times it’s original size.

Wait… oh never mind!

Home Alone minus Aftershave

2005-06-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

Living alone is much like the movie ‘Home Alone’… well ‘Home Alone 1 and 2’ because after they replaced Culkin the movies just sucked. So here I am sitting at home… alone… with wine and some Michael Buble reflecting on his Sinatra-like voice, when I get lonely. I don’t have internet, cable, or a roommate (yes I do have two pet rats though… somehow just not the same as human interaction).

I am over stimulated by boredom. Talking to myself in the mirror and then having my reflection nod in response and pretend to be interested got old after about five minutes (don’t pretend that you haven’t done this and I bet you went longer than five minutes). I then cleaned the dishes in my sink. This was productive, but otherwise not very necessary in curing my boredom. I then turned on the TV and watched a DVD and fell asleep on the floor.

Oh god…. I am becoming a SPINSTER. All I need is a cat.

Snot

2005-06-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

It happened after a mission taking care of something in the zoo. This being one of the few times I can get away from my desk in the air conditioned office. I decided to enjoy my five minutes of freedom in the hot, muggy world.

My favorite animals in this zoo, only because they do not have polar bears, are the elephants. They are so gentle and sweet looking. They are in fact really nice animals.

So I stopped to talk to them. The zoo was not yet open and so I did not have a crowd listening to me talk to the elephants. Really there was only one, the other was off having her morning walk. I began by telling the elephant what pretty eyes she has.

The elephant turned towards me. She stopped spraying sand over her back. Then she looked like she was really listening to what I had to say. I just began giving her the run down of my life.

She then began reaching her trunk out towards me, but the moat is too wide for her to actually reach me. I could hear air rushing in and out of her trunk. She then flung her trunk out at me in a final attempt.

I found my face lightly sprayed with elephant snot.

Icing on the cake if you ask me.

Manhunt

2005-05-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, all the kids in the neighborhood would get together and play manhunt. This game was great. It took me a long time to get the concept that I could win by not being seen. I would wear whatever and just go out and play. White socks and shoes were a dead give away of your positioning.

I soon learned that wearing all black was my best bet. Black pants and shoes were manhunt gear. I then got so good at hiding that kids got tired of looking for me.

Essentially everyone got bored looking for me and would go home and then I was left in my hiding spots for hours because I had no idea the ‘hunt’ was off.

Come to think of it, that sucked.