Home Alone minus Aftershave

Living alone is much like the movie ‘Home Alone’… well ‘Home Alone 1 and 2’ because after they replaced Culkin the movies just sucked. So here I am sitting at home… alone… with wine and some Michael Buble reflecting on his Sinatra-like voice, when I get lonely. I don’t have internet, cable, or a roommate (yes I do have two pet rats though… somehow just not the same as human interaction).

I am over stimulated by boredom. Talking to myself in the mirror and then having my reflection nod in response and pretend to be interested got old after about five minutes (don’t pretend that you haven’t done this and I bet you went longer than five minutes). I then cleaned the dishes in my sink. This was productive, but otherwise not very necessary in curing my boredom. I then turned on the TV and watched a DVD and fell asleep on the floor.

Oh god…. I am becoming a SPINSTER. All I need is a cat.

Snot

It happened after a mission taking care of something in the zoo. This being one of the few times I can get away from my desk in the air conditioned office. I decided to enjoy my five minutes of freedom in the hot, muggy world.

My favorite animals in this zoo, only because they do not have polar bears, are the elephants. They are so gentle and sweet looking. They are in fact really nice animals.

So I stopped to talk to them. The zoo was not yet open and so I did not have a crowd listening to me talk to the elephants. Really there was only one, the other was off having her morning walk. I began by telling the elephant what pretty eyes she has.

The elephant turned towards me. She stopped spraying sand over her back. Then she looked like she was really listening to what I had to say. I just began giving her the run down of my life.

She then began reaching her trunk out towards me, but the moat is too wide for her to actually reach me. I could hear air rushing in and out of her trunk. She then flung her trunk out at me in a final attempt.

I found my face lightly sprayed with elephant snot.

Icing on the cake if you ask me.