The Back-Up Coffee

I water down my coffee. I don't make it very strong in the first place. So because of this I feel entitled to at least two cups... more like travel mugs... full each morning. I also like drinking coffee out of a straw. Good stuff. The obsession with straws started after the accident leaving me without my front tooth for a year, but that is neither here nor there.

So on my way to work I have two travel mugs of coffee. They are called and commonly referred to as, "the coffee and the backup coffee."

The coffee always, without fail, gets to reside in the white knuckled grip of my right hand. You could try to steal it, but you'd have to pry it from this death grip. I wouldn't recommend trying this. It is only a short lived thing because, the grip relaxes with each passing swig. By the time the backup coffee makes its way in to my right hand, the grip is relaxed and noticeably more pink. There is no longer a desperate crazy look in my eyes.

It's not the caffeine. It's the flavor. I know I am repeating what I have already said, but some people need a hot shower in the morning to get started, I just need my coffee.

I've done without before... not for lack of trying to have some though... and life goes on. It's not air! I don't breathe coffee, though I must admit, the smell of coffee wafting through the air is awesome.

They should make coffee air filters.

Imagine waking up to French Roast and there isn't any coffee brewing.

I think there can be a real market for this.

Three Days going Strong

My finger is still numb. It turns on and off like hot and cold water in an older building. As the numbness comes and goes it actually carries with it sensations that trap me in awareness. When it's numb it feels like it is dead and I am carrying with me a portion of skin and meat that is no longer "with" me spiritually, but is all there physically. I get to enter an antique store, but I can only look, I'm not allowed to touch. And then, when my finger re-awakens it tingles with hot needles of excitement. The flesh is alive and crawling with activity. It comes and goes and just as if I were standing under hot water as it abruptly runs cold--I always feel it.

There are worse things I know, but it's definately strange.

No Sense to be Tive with

It started out like any other normal day yesterday. Get up, hit snooze, get up again, wash hair, get dressed, make coffee, and get out that door. It was about the time that I reached the door that I noticed not "all" of me was awake. The tip and side of my ring finger on my left hand was numb.

Ok, strange, but it will wake up.

About thirty minutes down the road it was still numb and my brain started making up things: Isn't it the left hand and arm that ache or act strange when a heart attack is happening? Wait, I'm too young to have a heart attack. No I'm not, they say kids are having them these days. Don't they? Oh my gosh, I'm having a heart attack. I can't breathe. My chest is tight. Am I having an asthma attack? Is this a heart attack? I feel like my whole hand is going numb. I'm getting dizzy. Why am I getting dizzy?

But then the common sense part of the brain took over: Chill out, you're not having a heart attack. Stop taking short breaths, you're going to pass out. Your whole hand is not numb, it's just that one finger.



My finger is still numb today. Pinched nerve? I hope that's all that is wrong. For now it is just annoying. My finger no longer has the sense to be sens-a-tive.

My NEW Life...

So I have graduated... cum laude... hold your applause... and I am living at home with my parents because I don't have/can't find a job! WOOHOO! Big college graduate.

This new life is really strange. It feels like the Katrina semester all over again. I don't mind living at home. It feels like summer vacation when you have a summer job and you are living at home. There is only one problem and that is that summer is almost over. Once the whether starts getting colder, it's not really a summer job anymore is it? And it really wasn't ever vacation.

I thought, just keeping track of my family and the greatness everyone seems to have, that I would be a sure thing for a job or some sort of greatness. Apparently I missed the greatness gene. I'm not a slacker, you don't get good grades and participate in several clubs and engage in team sports and have several jobs by being a slacker.

It does make me wonder then...

What the heck is wrong with me?